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Are You Watching Closely?

28th March, 2007. 1:46 pm. Giving blood...

Okay, so here's the thing. I went to give blood today because Tech was having a drive and I wanted to do a good thing. I show up, carefully read through the packet of information about who's eligible and who isn't. I sit and wait for my number to be called. I sit quietly, provide my ID, let the lady take my temperature, pulse, and blood pressure. Then she pricked my finger (my least favorite part) and checked my hemoglobin. All fine and dandy. She started asking questions and got to, "Have you had a tattoo in the last 12 months?" I answered yes, and apparently that makes me ineligible. I mean, I understand precaution, but there were like 4 certificates up in the damn place I got it at that stated all of the safety regulations they followed. But no, because Georgia doesn't have STATE-wide regulations, only county, I can't donate. I mean, it's not so much that I'm pissed that I can't donate (who wants to waste time rebuilding RBCs, right?); it's more that the Red Cross could ask the questions first, THEN do the tests. It seems to me that a high temperature or high blood pressure pales in comparison to, I don't know, Creutzfeld-Jakob's disease, or contact with a prostitute, or even recreational drug use. You would think they'd want to know if you'd been to Namibia before they wanted to know your blood pressure. It seems logical to me to make sure there are no obvious signs of ineligibility before you check all the ticky little vitals. Basically, I just wish I hadn't had my finger pricked for nothing more than a stupid little sticker that reads, "Be nice to me.... I TRIED to give blood," which, of course, makes it seem like I have Hepatitis or something awful that makes me ineligible. But no, just a little tattoo that makes me unable to donate blood, my favorite good deed, FOR AN ENTIRE YEAR. *steams* ANGRY!!!!!!

Current mood: annoyed.

(A simpler place and time)

19th March, 2007. 8:57 pm. St. Patrick's Day

St. Pat's this year was AMAZING!! Great food, great drinks, great people. Honestly, I think it was the best yet. In other news, my brother is the coolest, and I think I'll be in Tennessee Thursday or Friday. Otherwise, I'm in Lilburn if anyone else is here and wants to hang out. Love and hugs!

Current mood: ecstatic.
Current music: "Light My Fire" The Doors.

(A simpler place and time)

7th March, 2007. 3:59 pm. "I let all these years go by wasted..."

Battling my demons is a full-time job. I've been trying to deny that I have merely replaced one disorder with another, but that's what this stupid obsession is. It's sick, really, and I need to have a little more self-esteem than this. The only way I can be happy is if I'm healthy, no matter how long it takes or if it's good enough for anyone else. I can't believe that I couldn't think of this myself. I guess another's perspective is always useful, even when you don't really want to hear the truth, because the truth is usually ugly and painful. But thanks for talking me through it; I really can't say how much it helped. :)

In other news, I really need to do some work.

Current mood: optimistic.
Current music: "Wasted" Carrie Underwood.

(A simpler place and time)

21st February, 2007. 9:37 pm. Numb...

My grandfather just died today. I can't feel anything, and I feel absolutely everything. I'm happy, I'm sad, I'm angry, and I'm numb. Please don't call me this weekend. I'll be back at school Sunday night.

Current mood: numb.

(A simpler place and time)

24th January, 2007. 11:25 pm. "This could be the start of something new..."

Oh, how I missed the Fox!!! I just finished my first night backstage on "High School Musical," and I am SO excited! It's so amazing how quickly all the memories come back, all the reflexes for moving sets, all the excitement in the wings. God, I miss theater. Anyways, I need to sleep because I have to go to class tomorrow so I don't end up living in a box! "Bop bop bop, bop to the top!" AAAHHH!

Current mood: ecstatic.
Current music: High School Musical.

(A simpler place and time)

15th January, 2007. 7:40 pm. My current anthem...

I had forgotten about this song, then it came on my iPod and it seemed very fitting to the past 3 months/1 year of my life:

"You say your every day
Is a bad dream that keeps repeatin'
Maybe you should've thought about that
When you were cheatin'

How do you like that furnished room, the bed, the chair, the table
The TV pictures comes and goes, too bad you don't have cable
How do you like that paper plate, and those pork-n-beans you're eatin'
Maybe you should've thought about that
When you were cheatin'

How do you like that beat up car, I think it's fair we traded
Your pick up truck is running fine, it's a cozy ride for datin'
Yes, I've been out a time or two, and found the comfort I've been needin'
Maybe you should've thought about that
When you were cheatin'

You made your bed and you're out of mine
You lie awake and I sleep just fine
You've done your sowing, now you can do the reaping
Maybe you should've thought about that
When you were cheatin'

Now what became of what's her name, after she spent all your money
Did she leave you just like you left me, well sometimes life is funny
Yes, I'll be glad to take you back, just as soon as I stop breathin'
Maybe you should've thought about that
Maybe you should've thought about that
Maybe you should've thought about that
When you were cheatin'
When you were cheatin'"
-Sara Evans

Current mood: rejuvenated.
Current music: "Cheatin'" Sara Evans.

(A simpler place and time)

13th January, 2007. 12:34 pm. Confused...

My life continues to be a roller coaster of emotions. I don't have any bloody clue what I want or need. It's this constant state of torment, really. A fair bit of it comes from being single again. I've not been single for most of my life since I was 14. It seems as though I almost need to try something new, but it never quite seems possible to prevent some things. Often times I want so badly to just scream my bloody head off. It kills me that I can't just be. I'm not exactly in the mood to say 'no,' but I wish there weren't as many questions what needed answering.

"Human beings need a lot of things to feel alive. Family, love, sex, but we only need one thing to actually be alive. We need a beating heart."

Current mood: aggravated.
Current music: "Broken" Lindsey Haun.

(A simpler place and time)

31st December, 2006. 8:31 pm. Rainy New Year's Eve...

"You Give Me Love"

You turn around
Then you ask me behind tears of doubt
Just what do I see in you
Please don't cry
I know sometimes it seems we barely get by
But you don't see how much you do
To get me through

When the world is cold
And I need a friend to hold
You give me love
You give me love
And when my hope is gone
And I feel I can't go on
You pick me up
You give me love
You give me love

I apologize
If I never told you what you are in my eyes
Oh baby, let me tell you now
Every day
Looks sweeter knowing you'll be there in every way
Now how can you say that's not enough

'Cause when the world is cold
And I need a friend to hold
You give me love
You give me love
And when my hope is gone
And it feels I can't go on
You pick me up
You give me love

You give me

Everything my heart desires
Morning sun and midnight fires
Someone there to share my dreams
With you I have everything

When the world is cold
And I need a friend to hold
You give me love
You give me love
And when my hope is gone
And I feel I can't go on
You pick me up
You give me love
You give me love

Yeah, when my world is cold
And I need a friend to hold me
You give me love
You give me love
And when my hope is gone
And I feel I can't go on
You pick me up
You give me love

Current mood: melancholy.
Current music: "You Give Me Love" Faith Hill.

(A simpler place and time)

30th November, 2006. 2:35 am. And now for the bad stuff...

http://kevan.org/nohari?name=Gillian+Newberry

Current mood: listless.

(2 going back to find | A simpler place and time)

28th November, 2006. 6:45 pm. Also on Deviantart

"The point of singularity"

Shaky hands (shortened breath)
Digital master suggests I refrain
Head turned, hand over mouth
heart on my Sleeve bleeds freely-
Ich sehe fern – practice and watch
Torn plastic, I did it for you.
music –Absent
Dark circles taunt me
Pain in my calf, I did it for you.
five pages scrawled
repetitive wishes
Plans altered, I did it for you.
Electronic impulse
Pink spheres that saved me
small square package, I did it for you.
Rectangular Bottle
2.50 a tune
Shipping and sighing, I did it for you.

Current mood: melancholy.
Current music: Gretchen Wilson and Patsy Cline.

(A simpler place and time)

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